


When He's Sleeping

by boxroepe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, But not in a creepy way, Crying, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Watching people while they sleep, dave doesn't want to fight, knowledge of future events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4925566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxroepe/pseuds/boxroepe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he's asleep, he looks so small and lost. It breaks your heart to look at him and it kills you to look away. Focus for too long on something else and he'll melt and disappear like side-walk chalk on a rainy day and you'll be all alone with your thoughts and you could never take that, you need him as much as you want him and it's all you can do to bury your face in his neck and breathe him in to remind yourself he's real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When He's Sleeping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tumblr user meowbeastmusica](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tumblr+user+meowbeastmusica).



> this wasn't originally meant to be sad but apparently i wanted to write dave being scared to face LE and watching karkat while he sleeps and then crying and sappy shit. hope you guys enjoy.

 When he's asleep, he looks more vulnerable.

 

There are red eyes behind those eye lids, red like your godtier pyjamas, and the very thought of them makes your heart race because they're the same colour as yours. The black of his pupils are shipwrecked on a blood-soaked beach in the middle of a golden sea.

 

When he's asleep, he looks so small and lost. It breaks your heart to look at him and it kills you to look away. Focus for too long on something else and he'll melt and disappear like side-walk chalk on a rainy day and you'll be all alone with your thoughts and you could never take that, you need him just as much as you want him and it's all you can do to bury your face in his neck and breathe him in to remind yourself he's real. You are holding him in your arms and he's very real and just as warm.

 

You are holding Karkat Vantas in your arms. Your boyfriend!! you think as loudly as you can. You are holding him and you love him he loves you everything is okay you have a BOYFRIEND and you are HOLDING HIM!! in your arms!! stop being sad stop being sad stop stop stop because you're here he is with you you're both safe it's okay!

 

But it isn't quite the same as when he's awake. When he's asleep, he doesn't push your glasses up on your head and stare at your eyes, and he can't grab you by the face like he often does and kiss kiss kiss _kiss_ your face all over until you both fall apart laughing. You want to feel his fingers on your cheeks, wiping the tears away, because soon you'll be gone for a long time and he's going to be so broken and you're gonna miss him like someone tore out a piece of you that you rather liked.

 

You're gonna miss those big, round red eyes and the way he talks and the way he holds your hand and the face he makes when he's thinking (no no his face you'll miss his face all of it all the time) and his hands and his hugs and his mouth and

 

As if he hears your thoughts screeching past at a mile a minute, Karkat wakes up.

 

You didn't sleep at all, did you? He asks.

 

You smile gently, reaching down to hold his hand. ...No. I was watching you.

 

He snorts. That sounds vaguely creepy, Dave. If I weren't already aware you stare at me when I'm asleep I– oh, oh my gosh, you're crying? What's wrong?

 

His eyebrows draw together and he takes his hand out of yours to reach up and push your shades back, taking your face in both hands and wiping your cheeks.

 

No, Karkat, you're fine. I'm just...scared.

 

The moment it's out of your mouth, the tears start coming faster, and before you know it you're almost doubled over, your face pressed into Karkat's neck and your arms wrapped around his middle while you sob into him.

 

I'm sorry, I'm just, I don't want to fight, I don't wanna leave you I want to stay here I'm so scared Karkat god I'm so _scared--_

 

I'm scared too, Dave. I don't want you to fight either. I want you to stay with me and Rose and the others, I can't lose you too, Dave, please don't go, please, please just...

 

He starts crying too.

 

He squeezes you, like he's as afraid of letting go as you are. Maybe he is; he's lost so many people. Most of his friends are dead and here you are destined to fight an invincible, unbeatable villian who could totally kill you and totally _might_. You might _die_ , but you can't because you cannot leave Karkat, you have to protect him, have to keep Karkat (your boyfriend!!) safe, you will not die because Karkat needs you and you need him.

 

He tugs at your collar and mashes his mouth against yours. Your teeth click and you both have the taste of tears on your tongues, but you need the contact. He's so warm and pulsating and alive and _Karkat_. You love him so much your heart is throbbing, overflowing with emotion and bleeding, clutched in this soft little alien's hands.

 

You wish you could stay here, in bed with this warm, beautiful boy, but soon you're going to be gone for a long time.

 

When you both finish crying, you start to fall asleep, and one of your last thoughts is that you wonder if he watches you the way you watch him.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry.


End file.
